Is your horse's cup full?

Listening to a book called 'Playful Parenting' I heard an interesting description of 'attachment parenting'. Please note that I'm describing this in my own words and not quoting, but as I recall it the author Larry (Lawrence Cohen) talks about the child having a cup which needs to be refilled often with attention, love, support, encouragement, warmth, hugs, kisses, and all the good physical, emotional and spiritual things that a parent or care giver can give a child. When upsets happen, the child is hurt or their energy is drained, the cup empties a little, and they'll need to return to the parent for a refill. Some children have leaky cups that need refilling even more often, and some children have broken cups. If a child's cup becomes empty he will find if difficult to cope, and will often show this through undesirable behaviour. It can be hard as a parent to see that behaviour as a request for a refill of love and caring.

I've been thinking for a while about 'attachment theory' in the parenting world in relation to working with horses. This description struck a chord with me, because the author talks about how if you make a mistake, perhaps for example you yell at your child when you really shouldn't have, then the cup is emptied a little and you will need to refill it. A couple of years ago I was lucky enough to do a course walk around Gatcombe Horse Trials with Harry, where he described his relationship with Meade his horse when he was jumping around the cross country in terms of banking. He said that when he got things right and helped his horse out, it was like putting a deposit in the bank. When he got things wrong and his horse had to help him out, it was like making a withdrawal. The aim was always to keep in the black!

I think this can apply equally well to the leisure rider who is simply looking for a trusting relationship with their horse. We all make mistakes, have bad days, and take our feelings with us to the yard on occasion. But if the rest of the time we can balance this with oodles of time, affection, and as much understanding as we can manage, then hopefully we can keep our horses cup full.